poetry

contexts

jeans

were you there?

kotekan

irony

chinese water torture

another break up poem (SIGH) but i think i cried for 48 hours straight and could barely sleep but when i did i was still crying. i looked like the woman under the bed from the xfiles episode home. i think this is a product from my delirousness as i stayed up for effectively 3 days straight. if the premise of the poem is too subtle (something i am not known for,) it simulates the memory of one half of a conversation with a friend/ family member/ lover or other interlocutor and the other conversational participant responds some what later, alone in their room through anecdote. it somewhat displays the overwhelming feeling of shame and guilt and weakness after crying. i felt like the bad guy (the torturer in the situation) and i needed my affect in relation to another entity to feel whole again after the breakup. how does it feel to be replaced by a pillow?

savage girls and wild boys

this is my ode to a childhood i selectively remember/ the best moments/ the life i wish i could have had.

ritualism

i <3 baths + showers. the bathroom is my safest space.

cathedral light

i wrote this shortly afer my first boyfriend broke up with me to primarily preserve a moment we had shared together, like a shrine of that time in my life, but secondly to compartmentalise the emotions i felt after it so i could lock it away or push the poem out of me, encasing all the feelings, and detatch it from my being. essentially i aimed to throw this experience away like a mafia sea burial- i wouldnt be able to feel like that again for a long time if i had done it correctly. it worked!... for a while, but a surprising third event occured months after writing. i realised that i was giving too much of myself away to him and giving myself scraps because i had developed my sense of self and him, in his boyish immaturity, was still fragmented within himself and shut away from his actions and thought processes. he was a bastard in short, and he disnt mean to be. but you can only present a persona that contadicts who you present to the world for so long before it cathes up with you.i still have a complicated relationship with religion because of this- i put my trust in man. but is that not religion? is religion not trying to guess the intentions of a man that wont let you in? is that not a relationship?

goldilocks

i met a second year two months into uni and i thought he was a guardian angel sent to help me. he gave me advice but it came with a cost. for a while i thought he was lovely but when i look back i see that i was naive. i did learn a lot but this poem illustrates me trying to live in the first image i had of him not the second. i wished that i could sleep in his bed at uni during the night as he was a night owl and wouldnt have known. i knew in all ways that id outstay my welcome, or overdo it and get caught in a lie, that lie being of his own making but of my own ressucitation.

back jeans were you there? kotekan irony chinese water tourture savage girls and wild boys ritualism cathedral light goldilocks
@Repth